Releasing anger

If we did a poll asking who here has ever been angry, I’m pretty sure it would be a 100% yes vote. Anger is a completely natural human emotion when we are wronged, betrayed or mistreated in some way.

The problems start when we can’t let it go.

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned

Buddha

But why do we hold on so tightly to that emotion or hot coal?

Perhaps we think that by doing so, it will have a big impact on the person who wronged us. Our anger becomes a sort of emotional missile, and by returning it to them, we may hope this will make us feel better.

But that “hot coal”, even though we tried to throw it back, somehow invades our very being and carries the rage like a wave until we find healthy ways to release it.

It’s also possible that by seeing us so upset, we think this will help the other person realise the error of their ways and apologise. An acknowledgement of the hurt. But would that even make us feel better?

While writing this, spirit put an image in my mind of a period of time from long ago, when soldiers rode on horses and carried swords. Imagine two soldiers on the same side who start arguing. It gets so heated that it results in one stabbing the other in the leg.

The injured fighter drops to the ground in surprise, before beginning to argue animatedly with his attacker, shouting how shocked he is to have been assaulted. How could he DO that?!

All the while, the injury is getting worse and will take more treatment than it first needed to heal. He is so fixated on the other person and trying to get them to see how painful it is that he neglects his own needs. However, the physical suffering becomes so overwhelming that he eventually has no choice but to seek help to care for and heal the wound.

With physical pain, we see and feel the importance of getting it treated. The soldier in this example understood that in order to heal his injury, he had to prioritise his own well being over focusing on the person who hurt him.

With emotional pain, however, it can sometimes be another story.

Ultimately we can’t change the other person or how they react or respond to us. The only one we have the power to change is ourselves. By fixating on how we think the other person should be feeling, we may forget about tending to our own emotions.

While we know exactly where to go for help with physical injuries, unseen inner wounds can be more difficult. How would you personally advise someone to let go of the hot coal or put down the poison?

Releasing the anger healthily could take any form. It might be to talk it out with someone impartial, stomp it out with a long walk or run in nature, scream into a pillow, or breathe it out. You could even suggest taking pen to paper to express the emotions and then burn the paper. Watching the smoke release the feelings and passing it over to be taken care of by the universe or whatever higher power you believe in.

Above all, if anger enters your life, treat yourself with care and compassion, like you would with a physical injury. Acknowledge the pain and then release it. Don’t trap or jail yourself in negativity. Give yourself freedom from the emotions so you can move forward to a happier and more peaceful mindset.