Love yourself

I can’t think of anyone I know that truly, one hundred percent, loves themselves. And I don’t mean in an overinflated ego kind of way. I’m sure we all know someone like that, who thinks they are the bees knees and expects everyone else to think it too!

I mean in a loving, caring and compassionate way.

We might say, “oh, perhaps I’ll love myself when I’ve lost a few pounds”. Or “when I’ve met the perfect partner I will definitely love myself”, in the hope that if someone else loves us then we must be worthy of self-love.

In this way, loving yourself is set as some kind of goal in the future, based on reaching particular milestones.

If you are like me, a little voice sits in my head trying to prevent me from fully loving myself. It likes nothing more than spending all day criticising. The only time it shuts up is when I’m sleeping.

I’m pretty sure it has made itself cosy in my brain, on a comfy sofa with a bag of popcorn. It pounces on all my mistakes, and points out all my flaws. It jumps in after conversations, questioning, “what did you say that for”. If I make an small error at work, it’s an immediate berating, “couldn’t you have been more careful?”.

That critical voice can only be described as a big bully. A bully that tries its best to stop me loving myself. It collects all the hurt, loss, rejection, mistakes, and self-loathing to use as ammunition.

It tells you that you shouldn’t say that, do that, must not go there. But none of it is true. The sky is not falling, the world is not crumbling and its sense of reality is false. In some ways I think it is a scared bully that just wants to protect you and this is the only way it knows. Perhaps it needs some love too, and a firm hand to tell it, “don’t worry, it’s ok, I’ve got this”.

I spent most of life believing my negative inner voice and not even questioning it. But who says it’s the authority on everything anyway? Self critical thoughts will flow in and out, but there’s no requirement to take any notice.

Let those thoughts float on by. Observe them. But don’t claim them. Be your own best friend and for every negative thought, tell yourself two positive ones instead. Take that inner narrative and write your own new happier story. Remember that inner voice is not the real you or the true essence of you.

“You are imperfect, permanently and inevitably flawed. And you are beautiful”

Amy Bloom

Self love is something that needs practice, almost like a habit or a muscle to develop. It doesn’t just happen magically when you reach a certain life goal or achieve something in particular. It is a process and a gradual one.

I can’t say I’m anywhere near the hundred percent mark of loving myself. But I’m trying my best to practice self love by being more accepting of my flaws, having more compassion for myself, and letting go of past and present mistakes.

I’m a work in progress, not a perfect human being, and I’m content with that.