Life roles

Have you ever watched one of those quiz shows on TV where the host welcomes the contestants and starts off by asking the question, “who are you?”.

There’s a popular quiz where I live that always airs at the perfect time; just as I’m sitting down to eat after work. It’s a bit of much needed light relief after a long day.

When asked this question, the players mostly answer with their job title and a few hobbies; “Hi, I’m Sarah, a teacher, and in my spare time I love playing basketball and listening to music”, or “I’m Jake and I’m a full time dad but when the kids are at school I like going to the gym”.

I asked this question to a friend recently. She said, “well, I’m mom to Becky and wife to Dan. I work part time in the store but If I get some free time I do like to visit art galleries and old historical buildings. I don’t get much time for that these days though, as my dad is getting frail so I’m spending every spare minute caring for him”.

“I play viola… but I’m really a singer.”
“That’s not really what you are,” she says frankly.
Her directness startles me. “What do you mean?”
It maybe what you do. But even a voice can be taken from you.”

Vesper Stamper

It’s interesting, isn’t it, that the answers are all about what the person does and the roles they play?

Becky’s roles are as mom, wife, worker, carer and lover of history. She didn’t tell me she is a kind, loving person who looks after others more than she looks after herself. She didn’t tell me how sweet and funny she can be and how she makes me laugh when I’m feeling a bit sad.

Now it would be a bit odd if the contestants on the TV show started getting all deep and philosophical about who they are! But watching last night did prompt me to think more about separating the roles someone has from who they actually are.

We might say, “I’m Kate” but a name doesn’t encapsulate our true self. Our age, gender, occupation, or the town we are from don’t define us. You aren’t even the money you have in your wallet or purse, or what you wear or how you look.

“It’s not what you have but who you are that counts.”

Frank Sonnenberg

You are not your fears, thoughts or insecurities. You are not the masks you hide behind to protect yourself from the world. You are not public opinion or how others think of you.

These things are fleeting and constantly changing. But the true essence of who you are is hidden somewhere behind all of those roles and exterior identities.

So if someone asked you who you are, what would you say? I don’t mean a TV quiz host, but someone asking who you really are. It can be a difficult question to answer but a worthwhile one to ponder.

“The closer you come to your authentic self, the simpler everything becomes. Listen to your intuition. It will tell you who you are.”

Vironika Tugaleva